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Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work

Carol Kinsey Goman
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 213 p
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 4,650 KB
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 978-1-57675-774-1 PDF e-book
 2008 by Carol Kinsey Goman 

About the Author
Carol Kinsey Goman, PhD, is the president
of Kinsey Consulting Services in
Berkeley, California. As a consultant,
Carol helps organizations thrive in an
environment of ongoing, accelerating
change. As a coach, she helps executives
and managers become more effective communicators.
Carol presents keynote addresses and seminars for corporate
clients, government agencies, and major trade associations
around the world. Recent keynote speeches include:
“The Nonverbal Advantage”
“The Silent Language of Leadership”
“Managing People through Continuous Change”
“Thriving on Change”
“Collaboration Is a Leadership Skill”
In addition to The Nonverbal Advantage, Carol has
authored nine business books, including “This Isn’t the
Company I Joined”: How to Lead in a Business Turned Upside
Down and Ghost Story, a business fable about the power of collaboration.
Carol has been cited as an authority in media such as
Industry Week, Investor’s Business Daily, CNN’s Business Unusual,
Bloomberg TV, and the NBC Nightly News. She has served as
adjunct faculty at John F. Kennedy University in the international
MBA program, at the University of California in the
Executive Education Department, and for the Chamber of
Commerce of the United States at its Institutes for Organization Management.
You can contact Carol by e-mail at,
by telephone at (510) 526-1727, or through her Web sites:

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What kind of impression am I making?
Should I believe what my boss told me?
Am I dealing with a potential buyer, or am I just wasting
my time?
Did my whole team understand what I said?
What did the customer mean by that?
How do I know if he really supports my idea?
Is the audience angry, frustrated, interested, or bored?
The answers to such questions are right before your eyes.
That’s because people in professional settings are constantly
telling each other exactly what they think and feel—and it
often has nothing to do with the words they speak. Your
boss may say that you’ll be considered for a promotion, but
if she’s leaning back with crossed arms and a forced smile,
she’s sending the opposite message. The customer may say
he’s not interested in buying that new car, but if he keeps
glancing at the contract on the table, he’s telling you that he is interested.
The silent signals of nonverbal communication tend to
reveal underlying motives and emotions—fear, honesty, joy,
indecision, frustration—and much more. The tiniest gestures,
like the way your co-workers stand or enter a room, often
speak volumes about their confi dence, self-worth, and credibility.
And the way you sit, stand, or look at others reveals
more about your true intent than you may realize.

Praise for The Nonverbal Advantage
“Given today’s technology-driven communication systems, people have
fewer face-to-face interactions. As a result, it is crucial to maximize
their impact. Dr. Goman provides a valuable guide for doing just that
by helping the reader understand how the nonverbal aspects of a
conversation often say much more than the verbal ones.”
Jon Peters, President, The Institute for Management Studies
“The Nonverbal Advantage takes a fresh look at body language as an
essential executive management skill. This is a must-read for anyone
who is responsible for negotiating or facilitating change in their
professional association.”
Alan Sauer, CAE, IOM, Fellow, American Society of Association
Executives, and former Chair of the Board of Trustees, U.S.
Chamber of Commerce Institute for Organization Management
“This book happens to hit on one of my hot buttons. I have made
numerous speeches on communication, which I consider the common
denominator of success or failure. Invariably, people do not refl ect on
body language as a means of communication until you bring it to their
attention. The Nonverbal Advantage should be a great success!”
Charles A. Lynch, Chair, Market Value Partners Company
“Face-to-face communication takes on a new meaning in this
much-needed and detailed treatise on nonverbal communication.
Understanding how humans give silent clues—with eyes, hands,
posture, and even feet—helps us become better speakers and better listeners.
Wilma Mathews, ABC, IABC Fellow, Faculty Associate,
Walter Cronkite School of Journalism and Mass
Communication, and Communication Consultant
“Carol Kinsey Goman shows you how to use body language skills to
build stronger professional relationships. The Nonverbal Advantage
is a must-read for anyone wanting to move ahead and stand out
from the crowd.”
Robert L. Dilenschneider, Founder and Principal,
The Dilenschneider Group, and author of
Power and Infl uence: The Rules Have Changed
“In my global business dealings, I’ve seen negotiations fall apart when
people gave the wrong signals and didn’t respect cultural differences.
The Nonverbal Advantage should be required reading for anyone in
sales or negotiations—especially if they work internationally.”
Kimberly Benson, Vice President, Cange International, Inc.
“In a brave new world brimming with discovery and invention, we must
remember to update our existing human-insights skill set. Now is the
time to renew your toolbox by including knowledge of the nonverbal
cues that will take center stage in business and in life. Carol Kinsey
Goman’s book is a timely read indeed.”
Watts Wacker, futurist and coauthor of What’s Your Story?
Storytelling to Move Markets, Audiences, People, and Brands
“The Nonverbal Advantage is a fresh look at employee communication
management and the more subtle, but nevertheless important, cues
of body language. Goman’s analysis of interpersonal communication
techniques, signals, and behaviors suggests that nonverbal signals are
more important in understanding human behavior than words alone—
the nonverbal ‘channels’ seem to be more powerful than what people
say. She is pointing the way for managers at all levels.”
Deborah Radman, APR, Fellow PRSA,
Senior Vice President/Director, CKPR
“In the second half of my thirty-three-year career in law enforcement,
my interview ability and success took a defi nite upswing after taking
training that addressed not only verbal deception but also nonverbal
behavior. Carol’s book takes many of the things I learned about body
language and puts them in a form that any manager or business
professional can use.”
Robert Baker, retired San Diego County District Attorney
Investigator and San Diego County Sheriff Detective

Table of Contents
Introduction 1

Chapter 1: The Five C’s of Body Language 11
Chapter 2: Reading the Whole Body 21
Chapter 3: The Eyes Have It 41
Chapter 4: Face to Face 59
Chapter 5: Talking with Your Hands 83
Chapter 6: Feet First 105
Chapter 7: You’re in My Space 117
Chapter 8: The Power of Touch 131
Chapter 9: Translating Body Language
across Cultures 143
Chapter 10: Selling Your Message
without Saying a Word 159

Acknowledgments 183
Index 185
About the Author 201

Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work
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Steven Pinker

- How the Mind Creates Language -

EPub Edition © JUNE 2011 ISBN: 978-0-06-203252-2
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Book Details
 612 p
 File Size 
 3,194 KB
 File Type
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 1994 by Steven Pinker 

About the Author
The Johnstone Family Professor of Psychology at Harvard University, STEVEN
PINKER has been named one of Time magazine’s “Hundred Most Important
People in the World Today,” and has been awarded numerous prizes for his
research, teaching, and books. He is the author of six books, including How the
Mind Works and The Blank Slate (both Pulitzer Prize finalists and winners of the
William James Book Prize), as well as Words and Rules and The Stuff of
Thought. He is a frequent contributor to Time, The New Republic, and the New York Times.

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Praise for
“Reading Steven Pinker’s book is one of the biggest favors I’ve ever done my
brain. It is the sort of writing that any genuine expert on a subject longs to
achieve: highly accessible to the general reader yet at the same time seminal for
professionals. Laypeople will be gripped by a lucid and witty introduction to the
fascinating subject of linguistics. Orthodox social scientists—and their
biological fellow travelers—will find a formidable Darwinian challenge to their
cherished dogmas. Word-pedants like me (or those who say ‘gender’ when they
mean ‘sex’) will retreat chastened. Even if you disagree with it, you’ll surely be
charmed and engaged by this brilliant work.”
—Richard Dawkins, author of The Selfish Gene
“A brilliant, witty, and altogether satisfying book…. Mr. Pinker has that facility,
so rare among scientists, of making the most difficult material accessible to the
average reader. Most important, he never talks down to the reader…. The
fundamental unity of humanity is the theme of this exciting book. Arresting…
amusing and instructive…a useful, compelling book.”
—New York Times Book Review
“Absorbing. He makes a persuasive, entertaining case for his thesis.”
“A remarkably engaging book. The book is packed tight with observations,
experimental results, insight and forceful arguments based on what we all know
of language but never analyze. This reader finds Professor Pinker’s genuinely
instructive volume funny as well, a delightful member of that rare genre headed
by that classic Life on the Mississippi.”
—Scientific American
“His own use of language is a powerful advertisement for this human ability, as
he lays his stall out with clarity and candor…. Darwin…would surely be
impressed by the way in which Pinker sheds light on these questions…. A superb
book, simply at the level of being a good read: it is packed with fascinating facts
and information…. Pinker debunks with panache, cuts through the confusion of
jargon, and tells a mean anecdote. He does for language what David
Attenborough does for animals, explaining difficult scientific concepts so easily
that they are indeed absorbed as a transparent stream of words…. I will be
astonished if a better science book of any kind, let alone one accessible to the
general reader, comes along this year…. His book is groundbreaking,
exhilarating, fun, and almost certainly correct. Do yourself a favor and read it.”
—Sunday Times (London)
“A brilliant study of language…. Language is full of mysteries, which Pinker
excavates like a pig after truffles. Professor Pinker…was a brave man to write
this book, for who would have taken it seriously if it had been clodhoppingly
written? As it happens, he writes splendidly.”
—The Times (London)
“An excellent book full of wit and wisdom and sound judgment…better than
most college courses on language and the mind—and a great deal more digestible.”
—Boston Globe Book Review
“A book to inspire.”
—Perspectives of the Orton Dyslexia Society
“A dazzling new book…. This is all immensely fine and trenchant, and Pinker
embarks on his argument with brilliant dash and swagger: ‘I want to debauch
your mind with learning,’ he begins…. What a wonderful ambition. Not many
writers aim this high. [He is] a canny writer and a bit of a wag…. The Language
Instinct vibrates with delicious asides and poignant discoveries…. Words can
hardly do justice to the superlative range and liveliness of Pinker’s investigations.”
—The Independent
“Steven Pinker is, I think, engagingly wrong in some of his conclusions, but the
operative word here is engagingly. He reminds us of the pleasures of reading
about language, provided people like him are at the wheel.”
—William F. Buckley, Jr.
“Splendid…. Not bad for a supposedly stuffy scholar from MIT.”
—Los Angeles Times
“He writes with authority and grace about the sprawling science of linguistics,
making even its thornier branches accessible to general readers.”
—USA Today
“[A] triumph of common sense over some of the nonsense that has dominated
psychology and linguistics for much of this century…. A book about language
had better be well written, and Mr. Pinker’s book is superbly so. Rarely can such
a rich harvest of new ideas and profound insights have been made so accessible
by one of their inventors…. He is unfailingly articulate, funny, and clear. The
book is to Chomsky as Shakespeare is to Spenser.”
—The Economist
“[A] marvelously readable book about language, written by a real expert. Steven
Pinker tackles with wit and erudition the kinds of question everyone asks….
[He] brings not only an expertise in linguistics and psychology and a wide
knowledge of biology, but also an ability to understand the ordinary person’s
linguistic hang-ups and to shake them loose with gentle ridicule…. Whatever its
eventual impact on linguistics and psychology, The Language Instinct will
undoubtedly be greeted as a distinguished contribution to the lay understanding
of science…. With its wealth of examples, its flawless typesetting, its wideranging
bibliography and its irresistible good humor, Pinker’s book is certain to
increase its readers’ respect for the amazing natural phenomena that the author
and his colleagues have made their life’s study.”
“Somebody finally got it right. Steve Pinker’s thoroughly modern, totally
engaging book introduces lay readers to the science of language in ways that are
irreverent and hilarious while coherent and factually sound. A delicious read.”
—Leila Gleitman, University of Pennsylvania;
President, Linguistic Society of America
“A mightily ambitious book…. With an unusual and attractive blend of patience
and wit, Pinker is extremely good at explaining…. Pinker is not yet 40; with his
voracious intelligence and his gift for prose, we can expect many more
installments from the front lines of neuroscience. I await them—nervously.”
—Montreal Gazette
“[An] exciting synthesis—an entertaining, totally accessible study that will
regale language lovers and challenge professionals in many disciplines…. A
beautiful hymn to the infinite creative potential of language.”
—Publishers Weekly
“Examples are clear and easy to understand; Pinker’s humor and insight make
this the perfect introduction to the world of cognitive science and language.
Highly recommended.”
“Run, don’t walk, to your local bookstore and buy The Language Instinct. In a
dazzling, informative, and funny book, Steven Pinker brings you into the
wonderful world of language. He spares the reader the mumbo jumbo of
linguistics and directs your attention to an unalterable truth. Language is an
instinct, and in the discovery, Pinker reveals the secrets of the mind. It is brilliant.”
—Michael S. Gazzaniga, Director, Center for Neuroscience,
University of California, Davis; author of Nature’s Mind
“[E]xtremely important…. The power of the book…is in the elegant assembly of
a coherent argument, based on a foundation of evolutionary biology…. The
Language Instinct is provocative. But there are no cheap points scored nor is
there any intemperate denunciation of opposing views…. The case is
intelligently structured, forcefully argued, and couched in beautiful prose.
Readers may reject Pinker’s conclusions, but they will greatly enjoy the
experience of the journey through his mind.”
—New Scientist
“[A] brilliant exposition…he expounds ideas with clarity, wit, and polish.”
—The Observer
“Pinker is unfailingly stimulating, as well as writing in a genuinely democratic
style that combines elegance with unforced touches of the popular.”
—New Statesman and Society
“[A]n impressive book. It is vividly written by a man of great learning…full of
useful information to impart at cocktail parties.”
—Literary Review
“[A]n important and fascinating book…. Professor Pinker writes very clearly
and wittily. He makes us appreciate the marvelous nature of what we ordinarily
take for granted—one of the marks of a good popularizer.”
—Sunday Telegraph
“A cracking book…marvelous…wonderful to read.”
—The Guardian
“A great book…. Its author is in love with language and revels in its uses….
While providing an astonishingly thorough course in psycholinguistics, Pinker
also manages to be funnier than I would have thought such a substantive, critical
discussion could possibly be…. Pinker’s biology is impeccably up-to-date.
Indeed, he displays a much more sophisticated and critical understanding of
issues in evolution and adaptation than most biologists. The Language Instinct
should be a candidate for best book of the 90’s. Or at least a Pullet Surprise.”
—Quarterly Review of Biology
“The most lucid, charming, and wide-ranging popularization of Noam
Chomsky’s linguistics ever written.”
—Toronto Globe and Mail
“Pinker writes clearly and engagingly about the most difficult matters.”
—American Airlines Way
“Steven Pinker has made several landmark contributions to cognitive science in
the past, and his latest book The Language Instinct constitutes yet another one.
[It is] written in an exceptionally clear, engaging, and witty style and directed
towards a general audience…. One might be tempted to think that this book is
simply a rerun of Chomsky’s greatest hits, but that would be mistaken. What
makes Pinker’s version of the story extremely original and valuable is that…he
makes abundant use of a wide range of different sources of evidence, including
developmental psycholinguistics, cognitive neuroscience, and evolutionary
psychology…. A brilliant piece of work. It succeeds in demonstrating that the
recent discoveries about the uniquely human ability to acquire and use language
are as elegant and exciting as anything in modern science.”
—Mind and Language
“Pinker eloquently explains the details of Chomsky’s revolutionary theory, and
then proceeds to bring us up-to-date on the latest advances in linguistics….
Luckily, he’s also a user-friendly writer able to transform technical stuff into a
fun and informative read…. But don’t be fooled by the entertainment: Pinker is
dead serious about language.”
“Steven Pinker, one of the leading linguistic researchers in the world, skillfully
defends a provocative thesis about the biological bases of language and in the
process provides authoritative answers to major questions about the nature of
language. The Language Instinct is a splendid and indispensable book.”
—Howard Gardner, Graduate School of Education,
Harvard University; author of The Mind’s New Science
“[A]n accessible, entertaining, and authoritative introduction to the modern
science of language…. It is a joy to witness, at last, the prommise of linguistics fulfilled.”
—London Review of Books

Table of Contents

1. An Instinct to Acquire an Art
2. Chatterboxes
3. Mentalese
4. How Language Works
5. Words, Words, Words
6. The Sounds of Silence
7. Talking Heads
8. The Tower of Babel
9. Baby Born Talking—Describes Heaven
10. Language Organs and Grammar Genes
11. The Big Bang
12. The Language Mavens
13. Mind Design
Searchable Terms
P.S. Insights, Interviews & More…
About the Author
Other Books by Steven Pinker
About the Publisher


An Instinct to Acquire an Art
As you are reading these words, you are taking part in one of the wonders of the
natural world. For you and I belong to a species with a remarkable ability: we
can shape events in each other’s brains with exquisite precision. I am not
referring to telepathy or mind control or the other obsessions of fringe science;
even in the depictions of believers these are blunt instruments compared to an
ability that is uncontroversially present in every one of us. That ability is
language. Simply by making noises with our mouths, we can reliably cause
precise new combinations of ideas to arise in each other’s minds. The ability
comes so naturally that we are apt to forget what a miracle it is. So let me remind
you with some simple demonstrations. Asking you only to surrender your
imagination to my words for a few moments, I can cause you to think some very
specific thoughts:

Language as a Window into Human Nature

Steven Pinker

1. Language and languages—Philosophy. 2. Thought and thinking.


Published by the Penguin Group
Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, U.S.A.
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Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England
First published in 2007 by Viking Penguin, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

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 Steven Pinker, 2007 

About the Author
In this feast of a book, Steven Pinker explains how the mind works
in a completely new style—by examining the way we use words.
Every time we swear, we reveal something about human emotions.
When we use innuendo to convey a bribe, a threat, or a sexual
come-on (rather than just blurting it out), we disclose something
about human relationships. Our use of prepositions and tenses
taps into peculiarly human concepts of space and time, and our
nouns and verbs tap into mental models of matter and causation.
Even babies' names, as they change from decade to decade, have
important things to say about our relations to our children and to
society. By looking closely at our everyday speech—our conversations,
our jokes, our legal disputes—Pinker paints a vivid picture
of the thoughts and emotions that populate our mental lives.
He argues that human thoughts—from political positions and
religious beliefs to advertising gimmicks and comic strips—are
built around certain core ideas like space, force, dominance, kinship,
and contamination. Look around, and you'll realize that the
metaphors we use every day reach back to these primal concepts.
Pinker asks how we develop these categories as children, how we
apply them to the world around us. and what happens when we
apply them in inappropriate ways.
Pinker takes on scientific questions—such as how language
affects thought, and which of our concepts are innate—as well
as questions from the headlines and everyday life. Why does the
government care so much about dirty words? How do lobbyists
bribe politicians? How do romantic comedies get such mileage
out of the ambiguities of dating? Why do so many courtroom dramas
hinge on disagreements about who really caused a person's
death? Why have the last two American presidents gotten into
trouble through the semantic niceties of their words? And why is
bulk e-mail called spam?
The Stuff of Thought marries the two topics of Pinker's earlier
bestsellers: language (The Language Instinct, Words and Rules)
and human nature {How the Mind Works, The Blank Slate). It
presents entirely new material, written in the style that made
those books famous: using lucid explanations of deep and powerful
ideas, presented with irreverent wit, elegant style, and a deft
use of examples from popular culture and everyday life.

STEVEN PINKER is the Johnstone Family
Professor of Psychology at Harvard University. In 2004, Time
named him one of the one hundred most influential people in the
world. The winner of many prizes for his research and teaching
on language and cognition, he writes for such publications as The
New York Times, Time, and The New Republic and is the author
of six previous books, including The Language Instinct, How the
Mind Works, Words and Rules, and The Blank Slate. He lives in
Boston and Truro, Massachusetts.


Table of Contents

Preface • vii

I Words and Worlds • 1
2 Down the Rabbit Hole • 25
3 Fifty Thousand Innate Concepts 
(and Other Radical Theories of Language and Thought) • 89
4 Cleaving the Air • 153
5 The Metaphor Metaphor • 235
6 What's in a Name? • 279
7 The Seven Words You Can't Say on Television • 323
8 Games People Play • 373
9 Escaping the Cave • 427

Notes • 441

References • 459

Index • 483

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"A stylish piece of work . . . Pinker is a star, and the world of science is lucky to have him."
—Richard Dawkins, The Times Literary Supplement
"Brilliant in several dimensions. It is enjoyable, informative, clear, humane and sensible."
—Simon Blackburn, New Scientist
"Sweeping, erudite, sharply argued, and fun to read . . . also highly persuasive."
—Michael Lemonick, Time

"A gem." —Mark Aronoff, The New York Times
"An intellectual joyride." —Jack Chambers, The Globe and Mail
"A treat." —Jan Freeman, The Boston Globe

"Witty, lucid, and ultimately enthralling." —Robert McCrum, The Observer
"Big, brash, and a lot of fun." —Madeleine Nash, Time
"Hugely entertaining . . . always sparkling and provoking." —Jim Holt, The Wall Street Journal

"A brilliant, witty, and altogether satisfying book." —Michael Coe, The New York Times
"Dr. Pinker writes with acid verve This is an exciting book, certain to produce argument."
— The Atlantic Monthly
"A cracking book . . . marvelous... wonderful to read." —Tim Radford, The Guardian

- Master the Science of Body Language and Maximize Your Success -

Kasia Wezowski & Patryk Wezowski

Subjects: LCSH: Body language. | Success.

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 978-0-8144-3974-6 (eBook) 
 2018 Kasia Wezowski
 and Patryk Wezowski   

Your Body Language Intelligence
Determines Your Success
Several years ago, Patryk and I were invited to predict the results
of a startup pitch contest in Vienna, where 2,500 tech entrepreneurs
were competing. We observed the presentations, but rather
than paying attention to the ideas the entrepreneurs pitched, we
watched the body language and microexpressions of the judges
as they listened. We gave our predictions of who would win
before the winners were announced; as we and the audience soon
learned, we were spot on. We had spoiled the surprise.
Two years later we were invited back to the same event. Th is
time, instead of watching the judges, we observed the contestants.
Our task was not to guess the winners, but to determine
how presenters’ nonverbal communication contributed to their
success or failure.
We evaluated each would-be entrepreneur on a scale from 0 to
15. People scored points for each sign of positive, confident body
language, such as smiling, maintaining eye contact, and persuasive
gesturing. They lost points for each negative signal, such as
fidgeting, stiff hand movements, and averted eyes.
We found that contestants whose pitches were rated in the
top eight by competition judges scored an average of 8.3 on our
fifteen-point scale, while those who did not place in that top tier
had an average score of 5.5. Positive body language strongly correlated
with more successful outcomes.
We’ve found similar correlations in the political realm. Let’s
look at the last two U.S. presidential elections.
During the 2012 campaign, we conducted an online study in
which a thousand participants—both Democrats and Republicans—
watched two-minute video clips featuring Barack Obama
and Mitt Romney at campaign events delivering both neutral
and emotional content.
Webcams recorded the viewers’ facial expressions, and our
team analyzed them for six key emotional responses identified in
psychology research: happy, surprised, afraid, disgusted, angry,
and sad. We coded for the tenor of the emotion (positive or negative)
and how strongly it seemed to be expressed. This analysis
showed that Obama sparked stronger emotional responses
and fewer negative ones. Even a significant number of Republicans—
16 percent—reacted negatively to Romney.
When we analyzed the candidates’ body language, we found
that Obama’s resembled those of our pitch contest winners. He
displayed primarily open, positive, confident positions congruent
with his speech. Romney, by contrast, often gave out negative signals,
diminishing his message with contradictory and distracting
facial expressions and movement.
The 2016 presidential election also revealed a stark contrast
between the body language of the two candidates, which was
noticeable throughout the debates. While Obama was able to
gain an advantage over Romney in part because of his more convincing
nonverbal communication, in the 2016 election neither
Clinton nor Trump was able to use body language to create a
positive impression.
Trump’s hypermasculine behavior and his disconcerting habit
of following Clinton on stage as she talked was highly off-putting
to many viewers and voters. Clinton was more controlled than
Trump, but perhaps too much so. She was widely seen as inauthentic;
her studied mannerisms, in fact, made it harder for the
audience to connect with her.

Neither Clinton nor Trump’s debate performance was bad
enough to alienate their core audiences. A large number of people
responded well to Clinton’s composure; likewise, other people
liked Trump’s brash swagger. However, if one of the candidates
had been able to behave a bit more like Obama and form an authentic
connection with voters outside their normal base, it may
have improved their chances by widening their appeal.
Of course, the elections didn’t hinge on body language! Nor did
the results of the startup competition. But the right kinds of nonverbal
communication do correlate with success.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments vii
Introduction 1

1. The Five Principles of Body Language Intelligence 15
2. Self-confident Body Language 25
3. Positive Body Language 49
4. Negative Body Language 85
5. How Body Language Reveals Emotions 119
6. Interpreting Facial Expressions 145
7. Microexpressions: The Dead Giveaways 175
8. Decisionmaking Body Language 191
9. Practice Exercises 219

Bibliography 231
Index 239

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Great Communicators Read Body Language
Although most of us like to think of ourselves as rational decisionmakers,
ample research shows that emotions play an outsized
role in sales and negotiations. If you can’t read what your counterpart
is feeling and instead focus only on what she is saying,
you’re highly unlikely to achieve everything you could have.
Of course, experienced negotiators know how to mask their
true feelings. They choose their words, tone, body language, and
expressions carefully. To the average observer, they often appear
neutral, impassive. Or they’re able to convincingly fake an emotion
if they think it will help them advance their own interests.
However, there is a way to read what your counterpart is
feeling even if they are deliberately trying to hide it from you. The
secret is to pay attention to the spontaneous and involuntary microexpressions
that rapidly flit across everyone’s faces at times of
intense emotion. If you know what to look for, microexpressions
can provide an instant, honest window into how your counterpart is feeling.
In our work in body language research and instruction, we’ve
long theorized that one of the key differences between exceptional
negotiators or salespeople and those who are merely average
is the ability to read these microexpressions. This enables
them to gauge visceral reactions to ideas or proposals, and then
strategically steer the other person toward a preferred outcome.
To test this idea, we conducted two experiments using videos
that measure users’ ability to recognize these expressions.
In the first study, we compared the video test scores of salespeople
from the Myo Company with their performances and
found that those with above-average scores noticeably outsold
their colleagues. The second experiment involved salespeople
from a BMW showroom in Rome, Italy. We found that high performers
(who had sold more than sixty automobiles in the most
recent quarter) scored almost twice as high on the test as low performers.
Our conclusion: Effective negotiators seem to be naturally
good at reading microexpressions.

How to Make Smarter Financial Decisions and Live a Richer Life



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Book Details
 289 p
 File Size 
 1,059 KB
 File Type
 PDF format
 2009 by David Krueger 

Awell-known therapist once observed, “Money questions will be
treated by cultured people in the same manner as sexual matters,
with the same inconsistency, prudishness and hypocrisy.” The year was
1913. The therapist was Sigmund Freud, early explorer of the secretive,
unspoken side of the human psyche.1
Today, nearly a century since Freud wrote those words, most of us
have come to speak far more openly about sex, yet we remain embarrassed
and conflicted when it comes to talking about our money. If you
doubt this, ask the hosts of your next dinner party what their annual
income is. You probably won’t be on the guest list for their next event.
Ask how much debt they have, and you may not see dessert. That’s the
nature of our relationship with money: silent, forbidden—and unexamined.
It may be true (as Freud himself is alleged to have said) that
sometimes a cigar is just a cigar—but even Freud might have agreed
that a $500 cigar is something else altogether.
Our relationship with money is strange, to say the least. It certainly
goes well beyond the simple numbers it takes to tally up what we earn
and what we owe. If money were about math, none of us would be carrying
any debt. The numbers are simple. What’s complex is what we do
with money: we give it meaning. We breathe life into money and give it
emotional value. We make it bigger than it is. We use money to do things
money isn’t designed to do, and that’s where things get complicated.
Money is a magnifier. Like adversity, it reveals and exaggerates character.
For a problem drinker, money creates more drunkenness. For the
habitually insecure, money can make them paranoid. In the hands of the
caring and generous, it engenders philanthropy. But it doesn’t simply
magnify who we are: it also amplifies who we hope to be, fear we might
have become, or regret that we may never be. It gives form to our fantasies
and shape to our compulsions. We don’t simply earn, save and
spend money: we woo it, flirt with it, crave it and scorn it, punish and
reward ourselves with it.
We invest money with a totemic power it doesn’t truly possess and
then live our lives under the thumb of that dictatorial rule. Like the
master of a runaway band of mad marionettes, money runs us in circles
and beckons us down dead-end paths, inflates our dreams and dashes
our hopes—and all the while it is we ourselves who hold the strings that
make the puppets move!
It is not money but the love of money that Saint Paul identified as
the root of evil. It is not wealth and possessions or even the chase after
these that creates problems in our lives: it is when we lose ourselves in
the chase. And when do we lose ourselves? When we imbue money
with meaning it doesn’t really have, and then keep that meaning a secret
even from ourselves—thus holding ourselves hostage to our own money
story without even realizing we were the ones who made it up it in the
first place.
For three decades—two as a psychoanalyst, one as an executive
coach—much of my work has been focused on exploring the hidden
side of money and helping people successfully change their money stories.
Whether top CEOs and the ultra-rich or the average middle-class
family, the clients I’ve helped over the years have all shared one thing
in common: their problems with money are not about the money.
They’re about the story they try to tell with it.
What follows is a journey to understand the architecture of your
money story: how you use money to shape the world around you, and
how it shapes you back.
One thing we’ll discover is that the brain and mind are not always in
agreement. While one part of us says, “We should be planning for retirement,”
another says, “Hey, let’s have that second cognac and order the
plasma TV!” Each part struggles over the same dollar, and unless we
understand the secret language of money, the results can be disastrous.
In these pages we’ll explore both the brain and the mind, looking
through the lens of leading-edge scientific research from such fields as
psychology, neuroscience and behavioral economics, along with case
studies from my thirty years in the trenches of psychoanalysis and executive
coaching. We will apply these insights to help you strategically
rewire your brain, reprogram your mind and reshape your habits, so that
you can begin using money to say what you want it to say, and create
the life you want to be living.
The Secret Language of Money is not really about your income,
expenses, assets and investments, although it will change how you view
and manage all of these. It is about your relationship with money and
how it affects everything in your life, including your financial success.
It is an unblinking examination of the running dialogue inside your
head about money—about how much you think you’re worth, and how
much you feel you deserve; about what you believe your money says
about you, and how much of it is enough. This book is a rare glimpse
into the secret conversation you hold with yourself about the meaning
of money in your life—and therefore, about your life itself.
Money does talk—but what is it really saying? Or more accurately,
what are you saying through money? This book is about finding the
answer to that question.

Table of Contents

Introduction v
Part I
Your Money Story
one Money Talks—But What Is It Saying? 3
two What Money Means 15
three The Cost of Money 37
four Your Life Is a Story 51
five Your Money Story 63
Part II
Plot Twists
six Your Brain on Money 83
seven Bubbles and Bubble Baths 103
eight Spend, Baby, Spend! 129
nine Into Thin Air: The Secret Language of Debt 147
ten Incredible Deals and Unbelievable Opportunities:
The Secret Language of Scams 169
Part III
Writing a New Money Story
eleven How Much Is Enough? 195
twelve The Heart of the Matter 211
thirteen Writing a New Money Story 229
fourteen Living a New Money Story 253
Index 273

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The material in this eBook also appears in the print version of this title: ISBN: 978-0-07-162339-1,
MHID: 0-07-162339-6.
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