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A Powerful Program to Help you Raise your Self-Esteem, Quiet your Inner Critic, and Overcome your Shame

Beverly Engel

1. Mental health. 2. Self-esteem. 3. Self-care, Health. 4. Psychology, Pathological

Healing your Emotional Self - A Powerful Program to Help you Raise your Self-Esteem, Quiet your Inner Critic, and Overcome your Shame
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Book Details
 272 p
 File Size 
 860 KB
 File Type
 PDF format
 978-0-471-72567-1 (cloth)
 0-471-72567-6 (cloth)
 2006 by Beverly Engel

THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE who were emotionally abused,
neglected, or smothered by their parents or other significant caretakers
when they were growing up. Many of these people do not realize
they were abused or neglected, and they continue to suffer from myriad
problems throughout their lives because they are not getting the
help they need. People who internalize the abuse manifest selfdestructiveness,
depression, suicidal thoughts, passivity, withdrawal
(avoidance of social contacts), shyness, and a low degree of communication
with others. They are likely to have low self-esteem and may
suffer from feelings of guilt and remorse, depression, loneliness,
rejection, and resignation. Perceiving themselves as unworthy and the
world as a hostile place in which they are bound to fail, many are
unwilling to try new tasks, develop new skills, or take risks.
People who externalize the abuse may be unpredictable and violent,
their behavior characterized by impulsive action rather than conformity
to social norms. They frequently become anxious, aggressive,
and hostile. They suffer from constant fear and are always on the alert
and ready to hit back. Many end up mistreating others, often in the
same ways they were mistreated.

At the core of all these symptoms and behaviors is an inadequately
developed sense of self and a distorted image of self based on parental
negative messages and treatment. Unless adult survivors address these
fundamental issues, their efforts toward recovery will be thwarted.
If you were a victim of emotional abuse or neglect as a child, this
book will show you exactly what you need to do in order to heal from
the damage done to your self-image and self-esteem. Healing Your
Emotional Self will guide you step by step through a program that is
both innovative and psychologically sound—innovative because it uses
the mirror as a metaphor and a tool for healing, and psychologically
sound because it combines my many years of experience specializing
in treating people who have been emotionally abused with various
respected psychological concepts.

Although the primary audience for this book is survivors of emotional
abuse and neglect, this book is for anyone who suffers from low
self-esteem or body-image issues. People who are preoccupied with
their bodies, or who determine their self-worth by how their bodies
look, will find the book particularly helpful. Many suffer from a distorted
body image and from negative feelings concerning their bodies,
but they do not understand that the cause may be negative parental
messages, emotional abuse, or neglect.
Many of you know me from my other books on emotional abuse,
namely: The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, The Emotionally
Abused Woman, and Encouragements for the Emotionally Abused
Woman. In those books I wrote about the fact that people who are
currently being emotionally abused (or are abusive) are doing so
because they were emotionally abused as children. Now, in Healing
Your Emotional Self, I will help readers take a giant step forward by
offering a powerful program that will help them repair the damage
caused by emotionally abusive parents.

Childhood neglect and emotional abuse cause many of the most
serious problems people suffer from today. This is not a revelation to
most professionals or to many who suffer from its effects, but in spite
of this knowledge, there is insufficient help for the survivors of these
types of abuse. Relatively few books have offered readers a complete
understanding of how this kind of child abuse affects people, ways to
heal from the damage, and how to resolve relationships with parents.
This is the first book to offer a comprehensive healing program specific
to the kinds of messages (mirrors) that emotionally abusive and
neglectful parents give their children and to how this kind of abuse
affects a child’s self-image.

Neglect and emotional abuse are the primary causes of both
borderline personality disorder (BPD) and narcissistic personality
disorder (NPD), which have turned out to be the disorders of our
time. This is true for two major reasons: Children in the past two
decades have grown up with absent, neglectful parents and parents
who continued to pass on the emotional abuse they themselves
sustained. In addition, both the borderline and narcissistic personality
disorders have “come out of the closet” in terms of professionals
telling their patients exactly what their diagnoses are. In the past they
had kept these diagnoses from their clients for fear of traumatizing them.

Those who were emotionally abused or neglected also tend to
suffer from eating disorders. Many overeat as a way of soothing
themselves, while others overeat out of self-loathing. On the other
end of the spectrum, many become anorexic as a way of gaining a
sense of control because they feel overly controlled by their parents.
People recovering from alcohol or drug abuse will also find this
book helpful because many addicts suffer from severe distortions to
their sense of self.

In Healing Your Emotional Self I offer my unique Mirror Therapy
program for healing, which has proven to be highly effective with my
clients and the clients of some of my colleagues. This program is
highly innovative, combining what I have learned from many years of
specializing with adults who were emotionally abused or neglected as
children with concepts from developmental psychology, object relations,
self psychology, body therapies, cognitive behavioral therapy,
and art therapy. Many of the ideas in the book are uniquely my own,
while others are variations on the concepts created by other people,
and together they form a unique program designed specifically for the
emotionally abused or neglected.

For example, according Laurel Mellin M.A., R.D., author of The
Pathway and creator of the Solutions Program, research on childhood
obesity from San Francisco University shows that for the
children studied, most of their extra weight was rooted in the most
basic internal patterns of their functioning—the inner conversations
they had with themselves. Teaching the kids some very basic skills—
self-nurturing (which is like having a responsive internal mother) and
setting effective limits (which is like having a safe, powerful father
within)—brought their minds and bodies into balance and allowed
their drive to overeat to fade. These skills can be taught to people of
any age and are effective for other common excesses such as drinking,
smoking, overspending, and working. The skills find their way into the
thinking brain—our emotional core. I have adapted some of these
skills to help adults who were emotionally abused or deprived to
essentially “grow themselves up” and give themselves the skills their
parents did not give them.

This book will not simply cover old ground. While I will spend
some time defining emotional abuse and describing its effects, I
focus primarily on healing, especially in regard to helping readers
to raise their self-esteem and improve their self-image. (Refer to
my earlier books The Emotionally Abused Woman, Encouragements
for the Emotionally Abused Woman, and The Emotionally Abusive
Relationship for more information on emotional abuse and its effects.)
I have organized this book around several themes, including “The
Seven Types of Emotionally Abusive or Neglectful Parents” and “The
Seven Most Common Parental Mirrors.” I provide specific advice and
strategies for healing for each of the destructive parental mirrors and
specific strategies for dealing with each of the seven types of emotionally
abusive parents—all using my Mirror Therapy concepts and strategies.

There are other unique aspects to Healing Your Emotional Self.
Most of my books on emotional abuse have been focused on the issue
of relationships—how adults who were abused or neglected as children
can avoid losing themselves in their relationships, how they can
avoid being reabused, and how they can avoid passing on the abuse to
a partner or to their children. Healing Your Emotional Self focuses on
the self—how readers can become reunited with the self, how they
can create a positive self separate from their abusive parents’ distorted
picture of them, and how they can raise their self-esteem. In
addition, the book focuses on helping readers to overcome their
tendency toward self-blame, self-hatred, and self-destructiveness.
I also cover a subject that has not been focused on in self-help
books: the effects on adults who experienced parental neglect in
childhood. Many who were neglected will continually search for
someone who will give to them what they missed out on in their childhood.
This naturally sets them up to be used, victimized, or abused by
their partners. Others suffer from a constant feeling of worthlessness,
emptiness, deep loneliness, and confusion, and they are unable to
sustain intimate relationships.
I will also discuss another issue that is seldom if ever covered in
most self-help books—the effects of parental smothering on a child—
which can be just as damaging as neglect.

Many people are preoccupied with their looks and even more are
critical of them. While some depend on diets, exercise regimes, and
cosmetic surgery to help them like what they see in the mirror, others
recognize that they will never be happy with what they see unless they
raise their self-esteem. This book takes raising your self-esteem to an
entirely different level. It teaches a system that can actually help heal
the damage caused by negative parental messages.

Table of Contents
Acknowledgments ix
Introduction 1
Part One
How Your Parents Shape Your Self-Esteem,
Self-Image, and Body Image
1 Our Parents as Mirrors 9
2 The Seven Types of Negative Parental Mirrors 29
3 Your Body as a Mirror 63
4 How Mirror Therapy Works 77
Part Two
Shattering Your Distorted Parental Mirror
5 Rejecting Your Parents’ Negative Reflection 87
6 Emotionally Separating from Your Parents 104
7 Quieting and Countering Your Inner Critic 117
Part Three
Creating a New Mirror
8 Looking Deeper into the Mirror:
Discovering the Real You 139
9 Providing for Yourself What You Missed as a Child 156
10 Learning to Love Your Body 175
Part Four
Specialized Help
11 If You Were Neglected, Rejected, or Abandoned: Healing
the “I Am Unlovable” and “I Am Worthless” Mirrors 187
12 If You Were Overprotected or Emotionally Smothered:
Healing the “I Am Nothing without My Parent” Mirror 204
13 If You Were Overly Controlled or Tyrannized:
Healing the “I Am Powerless” Mirror 212
14 If You Had Overly Critical, Shaming, or Perfectionistic
Parents: Healing the “I Am Bad,” “I Am Unacceptable,”
and “I Am Not Good Enough” Mirrors 220
15 If You Had a Self-Absorbed or Narcissistic Parent:
Healing the “I Don’t Matter” Mirror 229
16 Continuing to Heal 238
Appendix: Recommended Therapies 243
References 249
Recommended Reading 251
Index 255

Healing your Emotional Self - A Powerful Program to Help you Raise your Self-Esteem, Quiet your Inner Critic, and Overcome your Shame
Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey
Published simultaneously in Canada

Printed in the United States of America


Complete Srivatsa Ramaswami

"This may be the most comprehensive and challenging asana guide to be published in
decades-perhaps ever. ... For committed yogis, this is as good as it gets."
-Phil Catalfo, Yoga Journal
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Book Details
 292 p
 File Size 
 18,429 KB
 File Type
 PDF format
 2005 by Srivatsa Ramaswami 

Praise for
"Srivatsa Ramaswami's book is nothing less than a treasure for yoga students at
every level of ability. Its informative introduction to practice, combined with
clear descriptions of literally hundreds of yoga postures, have brought
Krishnamacharya's vision of asana teaching to life. Each pose is skillfully embed􀅒
ded within a classical family of movements-a vinyasa sequence-and these are
illustrated by well􀅓chosen photographs. Equally valuable, the text grounds each
reader in the fundamental idea of vinyasa-the integration of movement,
breath, and mindfulness that is so vital to a rewarding yoga practice. Aided by
its simple and agreeable style of writing, this book will undoubtedly become a
standard reference for those seeking to understand the spirit of yoga. "
-ROLF SoviK, PsvD., Spiritual Director, Himalayan International Institute,
coauthor of Yoga: Mastering the Basics

"This book is a precious contribution to yoga; ancient knowledge brought forth
by Professor T. Krishnamacharya and faithfully presented to us by his dear stu􀅔
dent Ramaswami. You can place these vital principles into the yoga that you
already know and love to make your practice powerful, safe, and efficient. This
is the full spectrum of yoga from the "teacher of our teachers. " With no agenda
except to accurately represent yoga, Ramaswami duplicates his teacher's
knowledge gathered over thirty·three years of private lessons with him. Study
this book. It is straight from the source. "
-MARK WHITWELL, author of Yoga of the Heart

"The Complete Book of Vinyasa Yoga is truly comprehensive as it incorporates
proper breathing guidance coordinated with an incredible variety of yoga
vinyasas. Techniques for stretching and strengthening the thoracic muscles
associated with breathing and increasing the length of inhale and exhale makes
this book useful even in therapeutic settings. In teaching yoga to cancer
patients at the USC (University of Southern California) cancer hospital, breath
awareness and control (pranayama) is the most important ingredient for
decreasing pain. Additionally, bandhas are essential for restoring strength to
the inner core of pelvic muscles in prostate cancer patients. Ramaswami has
included all. This book supplies me with a complete array of tools to help my students. "
-VIVIAN RICHMAN, yoga therapist, USC/ Norris Cancer Center

"Beautiful. Masterful. Complete. The full spectrum of Krishnamacharya's asana
teaching methods. Instructions are clear, concise, accurate, fully illustrated,
and given in exquisite detail. Here for the first time are all eleven sequences
including the Visesha (special) sequences and a chapter on the proper way to
end a practice. Ardent students and serious teachers of the yoga of
Krishnamacharya will rejoice. "
-DAVID H URWITZ, yoga instructor

VINYASA KRAMA YOGA is an ancient practice of physical and spiritual
development. It is a systematic method to study, practice, teach, and
adapt yoga. This vinyasa krama (movement and sequence methodology)
approach to yogasana (yoga posture) practice is unique in all of yoga. By integrating
the functions of mind, body, and breath in the same time fra me, a practitioner
will experience the real joy of yoga practice. Each of the important postures
(asanas) is practiced with many elaborate vinyasas (variations and movements).
Each variation is linked to the next one by a succession of specific transitional
movements, synchronized with the breath. The mind closely follows
the slow, smooth, deliberate ttjjayi yogic breathing; and the yoking of mind and
body takes place with the breath acting as the harness.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments xi
Preface xiii
Introduction xvii
10 THE LoTus PosE SEQUENCE 189
Glossary 257
Index of Poses and Sequences 261

The Complete Book of Vinyasa Yoga, Complete Srivatsa Ramaswami
Published by Da Capo Press
A Member of the Perseus Books Group

Da Capo Press books are available at special discounts for bulk
purchases in the U.S. by corporations, institutions, and other organizations. For
more information, please contact the Special Markets Department at the Perseus
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(800) 810-4145, ext. 5000, or e-mail

The Complete Yoga Poses

Daniel Lacerda

In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher constitute unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.
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Book Details
 1132 p
 File Size 
 27,494 KB
 File Type
 PDF format
 2015 Mr. Yoga, Inc
 Photographs© 2015
 Daniel Lacerda, Mr. Yoga, Inc

Opening Prayer
For the peaceful resolution
From the illusionary nature of dualistic existence,
I ground myself before the lotus feet of the gurus,
Who remind me that the light I search for is within me
Bringing stillness to the whirling of the cascading ego mind
I behold the awakened joy of my own Soul
Realizing the truth of pure radiance
That we are in fact the same
To the self-awakened gurus of the past, present, and future,
I salute
Daniel Lacerda, Mr. Yoga

Table of Contents
Title Page
Opening Prayer
A Message from Mr. Yoga
A History of Yoga
The Eight Limbs of Yoga
The Ujjayi Breath
The Bandhas
The Drishtis
How to Approach Yoga Poses
Relaxation and Meditation
A Brief Summary of Chakras
Benefits and Cautions for 8 Conditions

2100 Asanas-The Complete Yoga Poses-Daniel Lacerda
Black Dog & Leventhal Publishers
Hachette Book Group
1290 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10104

First ebook edition: December 2015

Management of layout and design by Tatiana Usova
Cover design by Christopher Lin
Cover photograph by Daniel Lacerda
Cover © 2015 Hachette Book Group, Inc.
Interior design by Sheila Hart Design, Inc.

Additional proofreading by: Aggie Metford, Victoria Bergin, Susan Marchese
Black Dog & Leventhal Publishers is an imprint of Hachette Books, a division of Hachette Book Group.
The Black Dog & Leventhal Publishers name and logo are trademarks of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
The Hachette Speakers Bureau provides a wide range of authors for speaking events. To find out more, go to or call (866) 376-6591.

The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher.


Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work

Carol Kinsey Goman
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Book Details
 213 p
 File Size 
 4,650 KB
 File Type
 PDF format
 978-1-57675-774-1 PDF e-book
 2008 by Carol Kinsey Goman 

About the Author
Carol Kinsey Goman, PhD, is the president
of Kinsey Consulting Services in
Berkeley, California. As a consultant,
Carol helps organizations thrive in an
environment of ongoing, accelerating
change. As a coach, she helps executives
and managers become more effective communicators.
Carol presents keynote addresses and seminars for corporate
clients, government agencies, and major trade associations
around the world. Recent keynote speeches include:
“The Nonverbal Advantage”
“The Silent Language of Leadership”
“Managing People through Continuous Change”
“Thriving on Change”
“Collaboration Is a Leadership Skill”
In addition to The Nonverbal Advantage, Carol has
authored nine business books, including “This Isn’t the
Company I Joined”: How to Lead in a Business Turned Upside
Down and Ghost Story, a business fable about the power of collaboration.
Carol has been cited as an authority in media such as
Industry Week, Investor’s Business Daily, CNN’s Business Unusual,
Bloomberg TV, and the NBC Nightly News. She has served as
adjunct faculty at John F. Kennedy University in the international
MBA program, at the University of California in the
Executive Education Department, and for the Chamber of
Commerce of the United States at its Institutes for Organization Management.
You can contact Carol by e-mail at,
by telephone at (510) 526-1727, or through her Web sites:

About Berrett-Koehler Publishers
Berrett-Koehler is an independent publisher dedicated to an ambitious
mission: Creating a World that Works for All.
We believe that to truly create a better world, action is needed at all
levels—individual, organizational, and societal. At the individual level,
our publications help people align their lives with their values and with
their aspirations for a better world. At the organizational level, our publications
promote progressive leadership and management practices,
socially responsible approaches to business, and humane and effective
organizations. At the societal level, our publications advance social and
economic justice, shared prosperity, sustainability, and new solutions to
national and global issues.
A major theme of our publications is “Opening Up New Space.” They
challenge conventional thinking, introduce new ideas, and foster positive
change. Their common quest is changing the underlying beliefs, mindsets,
and structures that keep generating the same cycles of problems, no
matter who our leaders are or what improvement programs we adopt.
We strive to practice what we preach—to operate our publishing company
in line with the ideas in our books. At the core of our approach is
stewardship, which we defi ne as a deep sense of responsibility to administer
the company for the benefi t of all of our “stakeholder” groups: authors,
customers, employees, investors, service providers, and the communities
and environment around us.
We are grateful to the thousands of readers, authors, and other friends
of the company who consider themselves to be part of the “BK Community.”
We hope that you, too, will join us in our mission.

What kind of impression am I making?
Should I believe what my boss told me?
Am I dealing with a potential buyer, or am I just wasting
my time?
Did my whole team understand what I said?
What did the customer mean by that?
How do I know if he really supports my idea?
Is the audience angry, frustrated, interested, or bored?
The answers to such questions are right before your eyes.
That’s because people in professional settings are constantly
telling each other exactly what they think and feel—and it
often has nothing to do with the words they speak. Your
boss may say that you’ll be considered for a promotion, but
if she’s leaning back with crossed arms and a forced smile,
she’s sending the opposite message. The customer may say
he’s not interested in buying that new car, but if he keeps
glancing at the contract on the table, he’s telling you that he is interested.
The silent signals of nonverbal communication tend to
reveal underlying motives and emotions—fear, honesty, joy,
indecision, frustration—and much more. The tiniest gestures,
like the way your co-workers stand or enter a room, often
speak volumes about their confi dence, self-worth, and credibility.
And the way you sit, stand, or look at others reveals
more about your true intent than you may realize.

Praise for The Nonverbal Advantage
“Given today’s technology-driven communication systems, people have
fewer face-to-face interactions. As a result, it is crucial to maximize
their impact. Dr. Goman provides a valuable guide for doing just that
by helping the reader understand how the nonverbal aspects of a
conversation often say much more than the verbal ones.”
Jon Peters, President, The Institute for Management Studies
“The Nonverbal Advantage takes a fresh look at body language as an
essential executive management skill. This is a must-read for anyone
who is responsible for negotiating or facilitating change in their
professional association.”
Alan Sauer, CAE, IOM, Fellow, American Society of Association
Executives, and former Chair of the Board of Trustees, U.S.
Chamber of Commerce Institute for Organization Management
“This book happens to hit on one of my hot buttons. I have made
numerous speeches on communication, which I consider the common
denominator of success or failure. Invariably, people do not refl ect on
body language as a means of communication until you bring it to their
attention. The Nonverbal Advantage should be a great success!”
Charles A. Lynch, Chair, Market Value Partners Company
“Face-to-face communication takes on a new meaning in this
much-needed and detailed treatise on nonverbal communication.
Understanding how humans give silent clues—with eyes, hands,
posture, and even feet—helps us become better speakers and better listeners.
Wilma Mathews, ABC, IABC Fellow, Faculty Associate,
Walter Cronkite School of Journalism and Mass
Communication, and Communication Consultant
“Carol Kinsey Goman shows you how to use body language skills to
build stronger professional relationships. The Nonverbal Advantage
is a must-read for anyone wanting to move ahead and stand out
from the crowd.”
Robert L. Dilenschneider, Founder and Principal,
The Dilenschneider Group, and author of
Power and Infl uence: The Rules Have Changed
“In my global business dealings, I’ve seen negotiations fall apart when
people gave the wrong signals and didn’t respect cultural differences.
The Nonverbal Advantage should be required reading for anyone in
sales or negotiations—especially if they work internationally.”
Kimberly Benson, Vice President, Cange International, Inc.
“In a brave new world brimming with discovery and invention, we must
remember to update our existing human-insights skill set. Now is the
time to renew your toolbox by including knowledge of the nonverbal
cues that will take center stage in business and in life. Carol Kinsey
Goman’s book is a timely read indeed.”
Watts Wacker, futurist and coauthor of What’s Your Story?
Storytelling to Move Markets, Audiences, People, and Brands
“The Nonverbal Advantage is a fresh look at employee communication
management and the more subtle, but nevertheless important, cues
of body language. Goman’s analysis of interpersonal communication
techniques, signals, and behaviors suggests that nonverbal signals are
more important in understanding human behavior than words alone—
the nonverbal ‘channels’ seem to be more powerful than what people
say. She is pointing the way for managers at all levels.”
Deborah Radman, APR, Fellow PRSA,
Senior Vice President/Director, CKPR
“In the second half of my thirty-three-year career in law enforcement,
my interview ability and success took a defi nite upswing after taking
training that addressed not only verbal deception but also nonverbal
behavior. Carol’s book takes many of the things I learned about body
language and puts them in a form that any manager or business
professional can use.”
Robert Baker, retired San Diego County District Attorney
Investigator and San Diego County Sheriff Detective

Table of Contents
Introduction 1

Chapter 1: The Five C’s of Body Language 11
Chapter 2: Reading the Whole Body 21
Chapter 3: The Eyes Have It 41
Chapter 4: Face to Face 59
Chapter 5: Talking with Your Hands 83
Chapter 6: Feet First 105
Chapter 7: You’re in My Space 117
Chapter 8: The Power of Touch 131
Chapter 9: Translating Body Language
across Cultures 143
Chapter 10: Selling Your Message
without Saying a Word 159

Acknowledgments 183
Index 185
About the Author 201

Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work
Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc.
235 Montgomery Street, Suite 650
San Francisco, California 94104-2916
Tel: (415) 288-0260, Fax: (415) 362-2512

Interior design and composition by Gary Palmatier, Ideas to Images.
Elizabeth von Radics, copyeditor; Mike Mollett, proofreader; Medea Minnich, indexer.
Cover design by PemaStudio.
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