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Thug Kitchen - The Official Cookbook

Thug Kitchen - The Official Cookbook

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, Eat Like You Give a Fuck ,

Thug Kitchen is based in Los Angeles

Book design by Kara Plikaitis
Hand lettering and illustrations by Nick Hensley Wagner
Photographs by Thug Kitchen


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Book Details
 Price
 4.00
 Pages
 411 p
 File Size 
 12,949 KB
 File Type
 PDF format
 eISBN-13
 978-1-62336-359-8
 Copyright©   
 2014 by Thug Kitchen LLC


“DEAR READER, I love Thug Kitchen’s cooking. As hilariously foulmouthed
as these motherf*ckers are, I really like their passion for eating
the right food, for cutting to the chase, and for knocking up good,
nutritious food from scratch. Their message is simple—stop relying on
the microwave, stop relying on processed crap. Whoever you are and
wherever you are, get down to the markets and supermarkets, use your
budget to pick up some fresh ingredients, and get cooking. So, Thug
Kitchen, good luck, and keep doing what you’re doing.”
—JAMIE OLIVER


Welcome to Thug Kitchen, bitches. We’re here to help. We started our
website to inspire motherfuckers to eat some goddamn vegetables and adopt a
healthier lifestyle. Our motto is simple:
EAT LIKE YOU GIVE A FUCK
And why not? You eat three times a day. That seems like an adequate
amount of fucks to give on a daily basis. But why does the transition
from the drive-thru to homemade meals seem so fucking impossible?
Maybe it’s because the people who tell you how to cook healthy food
come off as so fucking phony. There is an aura of elitism surrounding
eating well, and so many people tend to associate health with wealth. As
we learned how to cook for ourselves, we couldn’t identify with these
beautiful bloggers in their big-ass kitchens waxing poetic about fennel
pollen as they stirred up their chanterelle-studded sauces.....

was supposed to be. With our parents busy at work and our attention
focused on Ninja Turtles, we didn’t fucking bother to learn how to cook
for ourselves. This was a time when companies were coloring ketchup
purple and teal for whateverthe-fuck marketing campaign they were
running. Potato chips had a goddamn disclaimer on the bag about how
the oil might cause anal leakage. What the fuck, right? Those were some
dark days in food. We didn’t think we had enough time or money to learn
how to cook real food for ourselves, so we willingly ate that fucking
nonsense. So, no, we didn’t grow up in wheatgrass-covered huts on some
hippie commune. We are your next-door neighbors and somewhere along
the way, we learned to eat right. And you can too. Virtue untested is no
virtue at all or some shit like that, right?

You might already be down with cooking, but vegetables keep getting
left out of a lot of dinners. Veggies got a bad rap they are still trying to
shake. We feel you. While bougie motherfuckers were starting to discover
microgreens and nettles, we were still out in the land of frozen peas and
iceberg lettuce. None of us really knew how to cook a vegetable so that it
didn’t taste like a soggy gym sock, so we just thought all veggies were
bunk. Look: Cooking vegetables takes a minute and a little finesse, but
it’s not fucking rocket science. It’s easier to sauté kale with some garlic
than it is to eat pizza bites without burning the fuck out of your tongue.
We just hadn’t tried.
As we learned how to do all that grown-up bullshit like drive a car,
pay taxes, and own a vacuum, we got to wondering why we were avoiding
the kitchen and real meals. Sure, we would have to work at it and
probably burn some shit and fuck up a whole dinner, but we deserved
better than a pathetic Hot Pocket. Slowly but surely we started schooling
ourselves on how to shop on a budget and cook simple, healthy meals.
Once we got out on our own and couldn’t afford cable to distract us, we
really got our shit together. Our friends were impressed by even the
simplest meals we made for them and all we could think was: Why
doesn’t everyone know how to do this? It’s not that fucking hard. After
plenty of practice, we are here to show you the way and save y’all some time.

These days, trying to do right by your body and palate comes with a
fuckton of baggage, but it shouldn’t have to. Nobody should apologize
for trying to take care of themselves or have to struggle just to get better
food for their families. You don’t have to be some uptown asshole to pay
attention to what you eat. We’ve got to start taking better care of
ourselves because nobody else is going to give a damn. We decided to
speak up and let people know that nobody has a monopoly on the right
way to eat. Consider this book our invitation to you to elevate your
nutrition and kitchen game. No matter who you are or where you are
from, you are welcome at our table and to this conversation about diet.

Shit is about to get real. Now pull up a fucking seat.
Nobody wants to eat grass clippings and tree roots, but everybody
knows that all this fast food and processed shit hasn’t been doing our
wallets or our waistlines any favors. You don’t get to order dinner from
your car and have it ready in 3 minutes without trading off some shit
along the way. We really need to renegotiate this food deal, because we’re
all getting fucked. We can’t afford the hype. These days American
households spend 42 percent of their food budget on grub prepared
outside their homes. It isn’t a party if you do it every fucking day, right?
And let’s be honest, you aren’t ordering the salad. All that sodium and
cholesterol ain’t helping anything, and your lack of fiber is going to cause
serious problems for your asshole. Yeah, wake the fuck up and take this
seriously. Do it for your asshole; you two have always been close.

You already know that you need to eat more goddamn vegetables. So
the fuck what? Well not only are they delicious when cooked right, but
they have your back as soon as you chew their asses up. Vitamins,
minerals, antioxidants, fiber, and a whole lot of other tricks are packed
into these miracle foods without a bunch of empty calories clogging your
shit up. There isn’t a plastic-wrapped meal in any drive-thru or sitting on
any shelf that can step to that. The average calorie intake in the U.S. rose
almost 25 percent between 1970 and 2000 and we guarantee that wasn’t
all broccoli and spinach. Fruits and vegetables fill you up without
packing on extra baggage that your body will have to deal with later.
Studies have found that people who eat more than five servings of fruits
and vegetables per day have a 20 percent lower risk of coronary heart
disease compared with people who ate three servings or less. How much
of your plate has veggies on it now? Drop the grease-stained bag and
reflect on that shit.
OK, so plant-based meals are “good” for you, but what the fuck are
you going to do about it, right? We’re too practical to leave you hanging
like that. This shit right here is a collection of all our best-loved meals,
snacks, and sides for beginning cooks all the way to people who know
their way around a farmers’ market. We tagged some of our recipes with
info about all the nutritious shit piled in them so you can pick up some
knowledge while you grub. It will be just like how you used to read the
cereal box while you ate, only without all those cartoon animals that wear
shirts and no pants. We are going to arm you with all the info and
techniques you need to go and kick a bunch of ass on your own. We’ve
labored over this book to help you become the baddest motherfucker in
the kitchen. These pages will be your guide to some next-level skills. No
lectures and no bullshit—just some plant-based recipes with a fuckton of
swearing and a dash of health advice for good measure.
We like to have a good time in the kitchen and you should too. You
are going to be one clever culinary motherfucker when we are done with you.

Table of Contents

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?
CARPE FUCKING DIEM
Breakfast
Quinoa Oatmeal
Mixed Veggie and Tofu Chilaquiles
Basic Maple Granola with Add-In Ideas
Breakfast Greens
Tofu Scramble Tacos
Brown Rice Bowl with Edamame and Tamari Scallion Sauce
Whole Wheat Banana Pancakes
Cornmeal Waffles with Strawberry Syrup
To-Go Breakfast Bars
Whole Wheat Biscuits
Biscuits and Gravy
Oat Flour Griddle Cakes with Blueberry Sauce
Sourdough French Toast
Maple Berry Grits
Baked Okra and Potato Hash
Fruit Salad Smoothie
SHORT ORDER SHIT
Salads, Sammies, and Mini Meals
Spiced Chickpea Wraps with Tahini Dressing
Roasted Carrot and Cumin Dressing
Toasted Sesame Dressing
Basic Thug Kitchen Vinaigrette
Almond Caesar Salad with Homemade Croutons
Moroccan Spiced Couscous
Roasted Broccoli and Millet Pilaf
Lemon-Mint Quinoa
Roasted Potato Salad with Fresh Herbs
Braised Winter Cabbage and Potatoes
Roasted Beet and Quinoa Salad
Vietnamese Rice Noodle Salad
Smoked Almond and Chickpea Salad Sammies
Savory Tempeh and Carrot Sandwiches
Ginger-Mushroom Summer Rolls
Barley-Stuffed Peppers
Grilled Eggplant with Soba Noodles
Sweet Corn and Green Chile Baked Flautas
Smoky Black-Eyed Peas with Roasted Sweet Potatoes and Collards
Apple Baked Beans
5-Spiced Fried Rice with Sweet Potatoes
Creamy Peanut Slaw
Coconut-Lime Rice with Red Beans and Mango
Cold Citrus Noodles with Cucumbers and Carrots
Tofu Marinades
Yellow Split Pea and Green Onion Lettuce Wraps
Wilted Greens
Baked Spanish Rice
BIG-ASS CUP OF COZY
Soups and Stews
Lemony Red Lentil Soup
Vegetable-Noodle Soup with Ginger Miso Broth
Pozole Rojo
Warm the Fuck Up Minestrone
Summer Squash Soup
Corn and Basil Chowder
Potato Leek Soup
Pumpkin Chili
Tortilla Soup
Chickpeas and Dumplings
Wedding Soup with White Bean Balls and Kale
THE MUNCHIES
Salsas, Sips, and the Snack Life
Cumin-Spiked Pinto Bean Dip
White Bean and Rosemary Hummus
Sweet Corn and Black-Eyed Pea Dip
Creamy Black Bean and Cilantro Dip
Baked Zucchini Chips
Baked Spicy Plantain Chips
Stovetop Herb Popcorn
Spicy Pickled Carrots
Quick Pickled Cucumbers and Onions
Mid-Summer Salsa
Grilled Peach Salsa
Fire-Roasted Salsa
Sweet Fresh Herb Salsa
Salsa Verde
Pineapple Guacamole
Roasted Sriracha Cauliflower Bites with Peanut Dipping Sauce
Peach-Mint Tea
Watermelon-Hibiscus Coolers
Ginger-Lime Sparklers
Blended Earl Grey Lattes
Creamy Horchata
THE MAIN EVENT
Burritos, Bowls, and Other Bomb-Ass Meals
Black Bean Tortas with Coconut Chipotle Mayo
Lentil Tacos with Carrot-Jicama Slaw
Creamy Ravioli with House Marinara
Tofu Ricotta
Mixed Mushroom and Spinach Lasagna
Vegetable Pad Thai with Dry-Fried Tofu
Sweet Potato, Squash, and Black Bean Enchiladas
Mango Curry
Silky Roasted Bell Pepper Pasta with Zucchini and Basil Ribbons
Cauliflower Cream Pasta with Fresh Herbs
Roasted Chickpea and Broccoli Burritos
Roasted Beer and Lime Cauliflower Tacos with Cilantro Coleslaw
Tempeh Peanut Noodles with Blanched Kale
White Bean and Red Lentil Burgers
Root Veggie Fries
BBQ Bean Burritos with Grilled Peach Salsa
Spring Veggie Bowl with Red Curry Lime Sauce
SWEET TALK
Baked Goods and Motherfucking Dessert
Chocolate Fudge Pops
Chocolate-Dipped Tangerines
Crispy Millet and Peanut Butter Buckeyes
Peachy Almond Tapioca Pudding
Strawberry Shortcake
Whipped Cream
Maple-Oat Banana Bread
Carrot Cake Cookies
Chocolate Chip and Almond Butter Cookies
Blueberry Walnut Lavender Scones
Shredded Carrot and Apple Muffins
Peanut Butter and Banana Nut Muffins
Coconut Cornmeal Cake
Banana Cream Pie
THANKS

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We inspire and enable people to improve their lives and the world around them.

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