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The Complete Idiot's Guide To Verbal Self-defense

The Complete Idiot's Guide To Verbal Self-defense

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by Lillian Glass, Ph.D.

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A Division of Macmillan General Reference
A Pearson Education Macmillan Company
1633 Broadway, New York, NY 10019

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The Complete Idiot's Guide To Verbal Self-defense


FOREWORD
In the beginning was the WORD. The rest, is as they say, history …

Words have had magic power ever since human beings used language to liberate themselves from the
constraints of physical reality. Every other life form adapts to the world as it is. Only human beings JUST SAY
NO! to reality. Only human beings use words to envision the world as we'd like it to be, and then transform it
accordingly. Words are magic symbols by which our dreams become reality.
Words are also the vehicles by which we exchange our thoughts and feelings with others, and in so doing
become aware of ourselves (conscious = to know with). The self is literally an ongoing stream of words
(psychologists have a variety of terms for this notion; e.g., “stream of consciousness,” “inner newsreel,”
“autobiographical narrative”). So it should not surprise us then, that words are central to the integrity of the
self. When someone puts in a good word about us, or for us, the self is fortified in proportion to the magnitude
of the praise and the importance (in our minds at least) of the mouth from which the good words emerged.
Prestige is thus the accumulated good words of others; and the primary meaning of prestige is “enchantment”
and “illusion.” I told you words are magic power!
But words, like any power, can, and often are, used destructively. We fight wars with words, and over words.
And whoever said “sticks and stones can break my bones, but names can never harm me” obviously didn't
grow up in my neighborhood in the Bronx in the 1950s, or for that matter, anywhere on earth since the dawn of
human history. A bad word from the medicine man of many “primitive” peoples is sufficient to kill a person in
a few days. We're a bit more subtle in contemporary western civilization, where daily verbal assaults serve to
constantly diminish us and condemn us to a slower (but nevertheless ultimately very similar) death. We
(observed Martin Luther King, Jr.) “see ominous clouds of inferiority beginning to form in” our “little mental”
skies; we become de-moralized and disillusioned: “at a loss for words” precisely when we each need words
most urgently to protect our most valuable psychological asset—our self.
All of us have been in situations where words have very much harmed us. All of us have been in situations
where the right words, spoken in the right way, at the right time, would have protected us from an especially
vicious verbal assault. Words have failed us all at times (“words fail me”), and that's why we all need to read
this book.
—SHELDON SOLOMON, PH.D., PROFESSOR OF PSYCHOLOGY AT SKIDMORE COLLEGE
SHELDON SOLOMON, PH.D., HAS BEEN PROFESSOR OF PSYCHOLOGY AT
SKIDMORE COLLEGE SINCE 1980. HE WAS RECENTLY HONORED BY HIS FACULTY
COLLEAGUES AS THE 1998 EDWIN MOSLEY LECTURER. AS AN EXPERIMENTAL
SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGIST, HIS INTERESTS INCLUDE THE NATURE OF SELF
CONSCIOUSNESS AND SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY. HIS WORK EXPLORING THE
EFFECTS OF THE FEAR OF DEATH ON ALL ASPECTS OF INDIVIDUAL AND SOCIAL
BEHAVIOR HAS BEEN SUPPORTED BY THE NATIONAL SCIENCE FOUNDATION
AND REPORTED IN THE NEW YORK TIMES, THE HERALD TRIBUNE, THE BOSTON
GLOBE, PSYCHOLOGY TODAY, AND SELF MAGAZINE. HE IS CO-AUTHOR OF THE
FORTHCOMING BOOK SELF-ESTEEM & MEANING (APA BOOKS, 2000).


Introduction
Every time you flick on your TV and channel surf, you can't seem to escape seeing one of these self-appointed
motivational gurus telling you how you can have a fantastic, phenomenal, heavenly life simply by achieving
one or more of the following goals:
Locate your lost powers so that you can have your own zillion-dollar company, tropical island, a closet full of
Armani, a limo, yacht, jet, and mansions in every state. Otherwise you're a LOSER! Make marathon love with
your partner so that he or she will be faithful! (Who would even have the energy to cheat, let alone walk, after a
night of continuous orgasms?) Lose that disgusting fat! Get off your butt and exercise! Confused about which
of the zillion exercise machines to buy? Make it easy on yourself. Get them all! The same goes for that
“miracle weight loss” food, drink, pill, or diet. Try them all, but stick with the one that makes you puke less.
Get hair! Nobody looks good without hair! It doesn't matter if it comes in a can and you spray it on—just get
some damn hair! And your skin—UGH! Get rid of those repulsive blackheads, whiteheads, and pus heads! If
you don't hurry up and use that lotion, you may end up being someone's weight-loss program, because they
won't be able to keep any food down if they look at you.
Even though you may be chuckling at these scenarios, the unfortunate truth is that these commercials and other
outside influences in the media unfairly affect the way we see who is pretty, who has a nice body, who is
socially acceptable, and who is a winner! Heaven forbid you fall short of the “rules for acceptability.” You are
then relegated to the position of social leper. The strange thing is that we have all been social lepers at one
point in our lives, and we continue to remain social lepers in the eyes of others. Maybe it's a lot of people or
maybe it's just a few people. If we weren't perceived so negatively and with such hostility, why would others,
even perfect strangers, go out of their way to come up to us just to give us verbal hell?
Even if you have all of the things mentioned in the scenario above—which, by our societies standards make
you a “success”—you can still be a social leper. Even if you are a zillionare who's fit, without a zit, and even
has hair, some people still won't like you. Who knows why? They just won't. And because they won't, they will
try to make your life hell. They will give you dirty looks and try to undermine you, negate you, and say awful
things to you.
How do I know this? I know it firsthand from the thousands of people I have seen in my private practices
throughout the years who have been devastated by some unkindness or vulgarity someone has said to them. I
have received letters and calls from thousands of people around the world who have responded to my book
Toxic People—10 Ways to Handle People Who Make Your Life Miserable. They have shared with me their
devastation at the horrible things others have said to them. These letters and calls touch me deeply. They bring
tears to my eyes as I feel for those who wrote and called.

What You'll Learn in This Book
No matter how much light we make of it, this is a very serious problem. Harsh words do hurt. Mean statements
do sting. Insensitive comments do devastate. Prolonged emotional pain due to constant verbal harassment can
physically maim and even kill. We often carry negative things people have said to us to our graves. Thus,
words can cause us a lifetime of pain, anguish, and agony.
This book however, was not designed to teach you how to start fights or wars! Instead, its goal is to teach you
how to defend yourself against those who start verbal fights with you. It will help you recognize who the verbal
enemy is and what strategies would work best to defeat them. As you learn the strategies available to you in
your attempts to deflect the verbal attacks, you will develop a newfound sense of self-confidence.
It's time to find a solution! It's time to fight back! It's time to relinquish the pain! It's time to never let anyone
put their mean words or verbal poison on you again! It's time to never be a verbal victim again!

How This Book Is Organized
The chapters in this book fall into six different parts, which take you through the process of how to effectively
defend yourself from the verbal dragons of the world.
Part 1, “Identifying the Verbally Venomous Opponent,” shows you how to size up your verbally offensive
opponent. You will learn the telltale emotional and physical signs of being verbally zapped. It's essential to
know exactly what type of person is verbally zapping you. These verbal abusers fall into one of two categories,
depending upon the severity of their verbal abuse. I will tell you the characteristics of each of these different
types of verbal abusers and how to immediately spot their abuse before it's too late. Knowing this can save you
from any emotional and physical torture you could possibly expect from this individual in the future. Finally,
you will receive some insight as to some of the underlying psychological reasons someone becomes a verbal
abuser and the disastrous long-term consequences of allowing verbal abuse to continue.
Before you can begin to fight your offensive opponent, you need to prepare yourself thoroughly for battle. You
need to have all of the necessary equipment available to you. In Part 2, “Preparing to Verbally Defend
Yourself,” you will learn everything you need to know about doing so. It is not enough that your equipment
and weaponry is in functioning order. It has to be in tip-top shape. If it isn't, you must do whatever you can to
make sure that it gets in that condition. This section will show you all of the ways to have the most polished
equipment, so that it is far superior to and outshines your opponent's.
In Part 3, “Verbal Defense Strategies to Use in Combat,” I give you all of the strategies you can use in order to
defend yourself against your verbal adversary. These proven techniques range from the benign to the most
powerful. You will learn the most effective verbal-defense tactics to use in certain circumstances. You will also
learn when it's time to put up the white flag and surrender.
Part 4, “Verbal Warfare with Specific People in Your Life,” tells you how to defend yourself against members
of the opposite sex—husband, wives, lovers, and co-workers. You will learn the best strategies to use with
family members, from children to teens to siblings to parents. Finally you will learn the best tactics to use
against any specific opponent who could possibly cross your path. You will learn defense strategies for those
you are closer to and must see more often (such as friends, co-workers, and employers), to those you may see
on occasion (professionals, police officers, and food servers), to those with whom you rarely have contact
(customer-service representatives, attorneys, and store clerks). You will learn the most effective strategies to
use based upon these people and what effect they can have on your life.
Part 5, “Verbal Combat Against Verbal Vermin,” gets very specific, breaking down the exact verbal defense
strategies to use with particular types of verbal vermin. The verbal vermin discussed come in three categories—
merely annoying, repulsive and disgusting, and downright lethal. The more threatening the verbal vermin are to
your well-being and to you life, the stronger is the verbal weaponry employed. Obviously, the less threatening
and more annoying the verbal vermin is to you, the more benign weaponry is utilized. You will learn exactly
which type of verbal weapons are best suited for each of the three types of verbal abusers.
In the sixth and final part of this book, “Dodging Verbal Bullets in Specific Battlefields,” you will learn exactly
what to say and how to say it in a myriad of situations, including getting rid of unwanted phone solicitors,
letting someone know you don't want to be used and exploited, dealing with sexist or racist remarks, breaking
bad news to someone, admitting your mistakes, confronting someone about their mistakes, and speaking to
someone who has a lifestyle you may not support.
You will also learn what to say in life-or-death situations, from calling 911 to discussing AIDS and condom
usage to verbally protecting yourself against road rage, violence, and even rape. The end of the book focuses on
the power of the word and how what you say about yourself has a profound effect on your world around you.
You will learn how to control your tongue so that what you say and how you say it always works in your
defense and not against you.

Extras
The Complete Idiot Guide series allows you to learn even more information in a rather unique way. Specific
information is presented to you in a concise and easy-to-read manner. These extra pieces or bits of information
are categorized into four sections: “Talk Back Tips,” “Verbal Vignette,” “Bon Mots,” and “Listen Up!” Each
section is easy to locate because it appears in a gray box on the page.

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Product details
 Price
 File Size
 21,565 KB
 Pages
 559 p
 File Type
 PDF format
 ISBN
 0-02-862741-5
 Copyright
 1999 Lillian Glass, Ph.D.


CONTENTS AT A GLANCE
Part 1: Identifying the Verbally Venomous Opponent
Identifying the Verbally Venomous Opponent
Observe the person from head to toe in a way you never have before. Listen
between the lines to what they are really saying through their facial and
body language and the sound of their voice.
Knowing When You've Been Verbally Zapped
Translate what is meant by seemingly innocent statements that are really
verbal barbs. Take the quiz to see if you've been exposed to verbal abuse.
Verbal Abusers Are Losers
Find out the inner workings of different types of verbal abusers,
categorized according to the severity of their abusive behavior.
Verbal Murder—How and Why?
Learn some of the conscious and unconscious reasons for and the
consequences of being verbally murdered.
Part 2: Preparing to Verbally Defend Yourself
Analyzing Your Strengths and Weaknesses
Learn ways to objectively examine how you come across to others—
everything from the way you walk to the way you talk.
Gaining the Physical Edge
Learn techniques for enhancing your image. These will create a more
powerful perception of you in others and instill more self-confidence in you.
Gaining the Verbal Advantage
How you sound when you speak cannot be overlooked if you want to win
the verbal war. Learn strategies for enhancing the way you speak.
Communication Skill Defense
Just as it is important to sound good in verbal warfare, it is important to
say the right thing. Learn the basics of communication that will make
others more receptive towards you.
Confident Conversation
Learn to develop the charisma to attract people, keep them interested, and
interact with them in the future.
Part 3: Verbal Defense Strategies to Use in Combat
Verbal Defense Strategies
Memorize the verbal self-defense strategies so you can easily call upon a
particular strategy in any circumstance. If one doesn't work, you have
numerous others from which to choose.
Letting Them Know They've Overstepped Their Verbal Boundaries
Now there is no excuse for being victimized or traumatized by an opponent
who intrudes on your territory. You have a bag full of strategies to ward them off.
When More Powerful Weaponry Is Needed
You can accomplish more with your mouth than with your fists. It's okay to
get angry, but the consequences of physical violence are too high.
Enough Is Enough! Knowing When to Retreat
Learn how to quickly determine when the verbal battle is finally over.
Whether you won or lost, you still need to recoup and regroup. This chapter
shows you how to do both.
Part 4: Verbal Warfare with Specific People in Your Life
Gaining the Winning Verbal Edge Between the Sexes
Learn the basics of male and female communication. This will help you
avoid many common pitfalls responsible for verbal warfare between couples.
Blood Is Not Always Thicker Than Water!
Learn how to converse with various family members to understand their
perspectives; if they're just too toxic, learn to get out and save yourself.
Verbal Warfare with Specific People in Your Life
Master the words to use for specific kinds of abusers, so that you will never
again be a victim.
Part 5: Verbal Combat Against Verbal Abusers
Verbal Combat Against Annoying Verbal Abusers
The 13 types of annoying vermin won't hurt you, just drive you insane. Here
are remedies for them.
Verbal Combat Against Painful Verbal Abusers
These eight types of disgusting and obnoxious verbal vermin can literally
make you sick. Learn to combat them so that you won't vomit.
Verbal Combat Against Dangerous Verbal Abusers
These 11 types of dangerous verbal vermin can inflict emotional, mental,
and physical harm upon you. Here are strategies available to help you
protect yourself.
Part 6: Dodging Verbal Bullets in Specific Battlefields
Verbal Defense over the Telephone
Learn what to say over the telephone to rude and unhelpful people, pests,
and those who have bad telephone habits.
Verbal Self-Defense in Sticky Situations
What to say in real-life situations nobody talks about. Topics range from
telling someone they have body odor to getting a cheapskate to cough up
the money for a bill.
Verbal Self-Defense in More Difficult Situations
How to deal with situations that are even more difficult, because they
involve people such as those who are dying or grieving over someone else's
death, and those who lie.
Verbal Self-Defense Can Save Your Life!
How to thwart a potential criminal act by knowing what to say and how to
say it. You will also learn how to broach the subject of safe sex.
Verbally Defending YOU Against YOU!
What you say about yourself says it all! People who speak well about
themselves encourage others to do the same. Be discriminating about what
you say about yourself and others.
A Resources
B To Order Dr. Glass's Products
Index


Contents
Part 1: Identifying the Verbally Venomous Opponent 1
1 Identifying the Verbally Venomous Opponent
Stop, Look, and Listen—Sizing Up Your Opponent 3
20/20 Hindsight 4
Freeze and Focus 5
Reading Between the Lines 5
Telltale Eyes 7
Here's Looking (or Not Looking) at You, Kid! 8
Face Off 9
Telltale Mouth 10
Body Talk 11
Keep Your Distance! 11
Stand Up! 12
Armed with Arms and Hands 12
Hand-to-Hand Combat 13
Listening Between the Lines 13
Telling Tones 14
Squeaking or Leaking? 14
Tones Ready to Verbally Attack You 15
The Mouse That Roars 15
“Tha tha that's all, folks!” 15
Where's the Foghorn? 16
Thylvesther the Cat Thaid What? 16
Slow Down, I Can't Keep Up! 17
Aren't You Done Yet? 17
The Rain in Spain Lies Mainly in the Plain 17
2 Knowing When You've Been Verbally Zapped
What Are They Really Saying to You? 19
You Were Not “Only Kidding” 20
What's the Matter? Cat Got Your Tongue? 21
If He Says He's a Jerk, Believe Him 22
Beware, You're Next! 22
They Don't Really Mean That! 23
Warning! You've Been Exposed to a Verbal Health Hazard 23
Verbal Abuse—the Silent Killer 24
Quiz to Determine Exposure to Verbal Abuse 25
What Do Your Answers Mean? 26
Ouch, It Hurts! The Physical Pain of Verbal Abuse 27
Head Games Lead to Heart Pains 28
Shrinking Verbal Abuse—Psychological Pain 29
3 Verbal Abusers Are Losers
Categorizing the Verbal Abuser 33
Level One Abusers 34
The “I'm Only Kidding” Person 34
The “Shock 'Em and Rock 'Em” Person 34
The Sarcastic/Sadistic Person 35
The Verbal Hammers Person 35
“My Dog's Bigger Than Your Dog” People 36
The Trashers 36
People Who Throw Back Your Confidences 37
The Sugary Fawner 38
Backhanded Complimentors 39
The Self-Consumed 39
Level Two Abusers 40
Interrogators 40
Gossiping, Meddling Instigators 41
Condescending Dismissers 41
Sneaky Underminers 41
“I Love You—I Hate You” People 42
“You're No Good!” People 43
Yellers, Screamers, and Ragers 43
Verbal Nazis—My Way or Else! 43
Guilt-Producing Accusers 44
Liars 44
Verbal Icicles 45
4 Verbal Murder—How and Why?
What Is Verbal Murder? 47
Who Are Verbal Murderers? 47
Identifying the Verbal Abusers in Your Life 48
When Do Verbal Abusers Turn into Verbal Murderers? 49
Why Does Verbal Murder Happen? 50
Unconscious Reasons for Verbal Murder 50
Hey! Don't Take It Out on Me! 50
Hey! We're Not All Like That! 50
I'm Not That Toxic Person in Your Past! 51
Green with Envy! 51
I Really Don't Deserve to Be That Happy! 52
I Don't Trust Anybody—Including You! 52
Conscious Reasons for Verbal Murder 53
They Just Plain Can't Stand You! 53
They Know You Really Don't Like Them 53
What's the Use? 53
Gimme the Reins—I Need to Control You! 53
You're Incompetent! 54
I Just Don't Believe in You! 54
I Don't Want You to Be Ahead of Me! 55
Who Said You Can Be That Happy and Lucky? 56
They Did It to Me—Now It's Your Turn! 56
Consequences of Being a Verbal Murderer 57
Consequences of Being Verbally Murdered 57
Part 2: Preparing to Verbally Defend Yourself 59
5 Analyzing Your Strengths and Weaknesses
How Others See You Does Matter! 61
How Do You Come Across to Others? 62
The General Consensus About You Is 63
Putting Others to the Test 63
Equipment You Need to Objectively Examine Yourself 65
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall 65
No Lies on Videotape 66
Record a Call 66
A Picture Says a Thousand Words 67
Getting Emotionally Naked 67
Stand Up and Walk the Walk! 68
The Stance of Power 68
The Walk of Authority 70
I Have to Hand It to You 71
Dead Head? 71
About Face! 72
Eye Deal 73
Is Your Mouth Goin' South? 73
Air Born 74
Ouch! My Ears Hurt Listening to You! 74
Pitching Your Voice 75
It's Quality We're After! 75
Twisting Your Tongue 76
Pump Up the Volume! Drown the Sound! 76
How Fast Were You Going? 76
The Nose Knows 76
Are You Talking to Me? 76
6 Gaining the Physical Edge
Postural Defense—Staking Out Your Presence 80
1. Stand Up Straight, Without a Leg Up! 80
2. Bottoms Up! 81
3. Straighten Up and Back Up! 81
4. Heads Up! 81
Walk Up! 81
Sit Up! 82
Uptight? Lighten Up! 82
Up in Arms! 83
Hands Up! 83
Shake Up! 84
Touch Up! 85
Face Up! 86
Charming, Disarming Smile 87
Kissin' Up! 87
Slipping Up or Messing Up? It All Adds Up and You End Up…! 88
7 Gaining the Verbal Advantage
Defensive Breathing 92
Relaxation Breathing: In—Hold—Out Control! 93
Mind-Clearing Breaths 94
Listening Through Breathing 94
Marrying Your Breathing with Your Talking 95
Vocal Defense 95
Your Most Overlooked Organ—Your Voice Box 95
Speak—Don't Squeak! 97
Yawning—Opening Up the Throat for a Smooth Voice 97
I Can't Hear You! 98
Stop Turning Me Off! 98
Stop Putting Me to Sleep with Your Boring Voice! 99
Whining No More 100
The Stuffed-Up Nose 100
Tasting Your Sounds 101
Kicking Key Consonants 101
Vowel Control 102
Demolishing Disgusting Habits 102
Say It—Don't Spray It! 102
Swallow Already! 102
Slow Down! It's Not the Grand Prix 103
Quiet! My Ears Can't Take It! 103
Spit It Out Already! 103
Hints to Help Control Your Stuttering 104
8 Communication Skill Defense
Who in the World Are You? 105
“Who Are You?” Quiz 106
The Results of Who You Are 109
Keys to Gaining the Upper Hand 109
You Gotta Like You! 109
Don't Like Something About Yourself? Change It! 109
Talk Nice to You and Others Will Too 110
Cancel That! 110
The Power of the Word—What a Surprise! 111
Thoughts in Your Head 111
Open Your Mind! 111
Open Your Heart! 112
Tactics Used to Promote Verbal Peace with Others 112
Speak Up Immediately! 112
Monitor Your Mouth 113
Pay Attention to Trigger Words and Phrases 113
Terms of Endearment 114
Let Them Speak Their Piece 114
Enough About You Already! 115
Mind Your Own Business! 115
Respect Should Be Your Mantra 115
Don't Like the Answer? Then Don't Ask the Question 116
9 Confident Conversation
The Real Secret of Talking to Anyone 117
Understanding the Four Steps of Confident Conversation 118
Confident Pre-Conversation 118
Ending the “I Think That You Think That I Think” Game
Forever! 118
Smile All the While 119
Do It Anyway! 119
You Die When You're Shy! 120
Only a Fool Plays It Cool! 120
Initiating a Confident Conversation 121
Maintaining a Confident Conversation 121
Ask, Ask, and Keep Asking! 122
Elaborate—Don't Interrogate! 122
Getting Deeper and Deeper 123
What Shall We Talk About? 123
Know What You're Talking About! 125
Bingo! You Got the Lingo! 125
Talking Ethnic 126
It's Over—I Wanna Go Now 127
Don't Be a Liar—Follow Up Immediately! 128
Never Say You'll Call If You Don't Mean It! 128
Part 3: Verbal Defense Strategies to Use in Combat 129
10 Verbal Defense Strategies
Entering the Verbal Combat Zone 131
A Verbal Weakling No More! 132
Verbally Pumping Up 132
Imaginary Conversation Strategy 132
Through the Looking Glass 133
Knowing When to Attack Back 134
What Your Answers Mean 134
Keep Your Eyes and Ears Open at All Times 136
Make a Choice and Make It Now 136
Picking Your Strategy 137
The Verbal Artist Has Complete Control! 137
11 Letting Them Know They've Overstepped Their Verbal Boundaries
Silent, Expressionless, Blank Stare 139
The Look of Disgust Strategy 141
Let It Go—Breathe and Blow Strategy 142
Calm, Calculating, Questioning Strategy—Like Columbo 143
The Naked Truth Strategy 144
“The Joke's on You”—Funny Bone Strategy 145
Love 'Em Up Strategy 146
Gentle-Toned Name Repetition 146
Hush Hush Strategy 147
Let the Baby Have Her Bottle Strategy 147
Hand-Holding Fighting Strategy 147
Heart-in-Hand Strategy 148
“What's Good About You” Strategy 148
12 When More Powerful Weaponry Is Needed
Never Walk Away When You Have Something to Say! 151
Protecting the Other Cheek 152
Don't Just Stand There—Do Something! 152
Verbally Setting Firm Limits 153
“This Is Unacceptable!” 154
“Excuse Me? Are You Talkin' to Me?” 155
Strategy of Loud Verbal Explosions! 155
Fight Clean and Fair! 155
Keep It Above the Belt 156
Never, Ever Use Physical Violence! 156
Fantasy Strategy—an Alternative to Physical Violence 157
Never Threaten One's Basic Needs! 157
Keep Your Cool 158
Verbally Mirroring the Foe Strategy 158
“Give 'Em Hell and Yell” Strategy 160
13 Enough Is Enough! Knowing When to Retreat
Three Strikes and You're Out! 162
Yes, But 162
I Say “Yes,” You Say “No” 163
You Finally Got the Message! 165
Noooooo! Don't Do It! 165
Help!!! Emergency!!! 166
Throwaways 166
No Stalkers or Fatal Attractions Allowed! 168
Mourning and Waking Up Renewed in the Morning 168
When You're on the Verbal Merry-Go-Round 169
Forgiving Yourself Right Now! 169
Make Yourself Feel Reeeeal Good! 169
Part 4: Verbal Warfare with Specific People in Your Life 173
14 Gaining the Winning Verbal Edge Between the Sexes
Learning to Be Bilingual 176
Once Upon a Time There Was an Infant Boy and Girl 177
There's Only One Brain! 177
What Shall We Talk About? 178
He Says—She Thinks! She Says—He Thinks! 178
No-No Scenario 1 179
No-No Scenario 2 179
No-No Scenario 3 180
No-No Scenario 4 180
No-No Scenario 5 180
He Says—He Means! She Says—She Means! 181
Scenario 1 Shoulda Said 181
Scenario 2 Shoulda Said 181
Scenario 3 Shoulda Said 182
Scenario 4 Shoulda Said 182
Scenario 5 Shoulda Said 182
Oh! So That's What You Meant! 183
Basic Male 101 183
Basic Female 101 185
See What I Mean? 186
What Men Need to Do 187
What Women Need to Do 187
Saving You a Lot of Grief! 188
15 Blood Is Not Always Thicker Than Water!
Defense Against Verbally Abusive Parents 191
Long-Lasting Effects 192
Your Best Bet! 192
Defense Against Verbally Abusive Siblings 193
Too Close for Comfort 193
Your Best Bet! 194
Verbal Defense with Teens 194
Trash Talkin' Teens 195
Expect to Hear This from Your Teen 196
Verbal Defense with School-Aged Kids 197
Best Bet: Set Limits Immediately! 197
Parental Verbal Control 197
Best Bets: Ask Your Child If She Wants to Go Somewhere with
You 198
Verbal Defense with Pre-Schoolers 198
Verbal Defense in Utero 198
Verbal Defense with Infants and Toddlers 199
Terrible Twos Are Verbally Terrific! 199
Talking to Children Who Act Out Verbally 200
Your Best Bet: Children of This Age Crave Respect 200
Cursing Kids 201
16 Verbal Warfare with Specific People in Your Life
Verbal Self-Defense Techniques for Various Groups 203
Invasive Strangers 204
“Friends” 204
Enemies 205
Customer Service Representatives 205
People Entrusted with Yourself or Your Property 206
Salespeople, Store Clerks, and Realtors 207
People Who Serve You 208
People Who Don't Speak Your Language 211
Professionals and Authority Figures 212
Verbally Toxic Employers 212
Verbal Medical and Dental Disasters 213
Part 5: Verbal Combat Against Verbal Abusers 215
17 Verbal Combat Against Annoying Verbal Abusers
Mumble Jumble 217
Sonic Boomers! 218
Meek, Weak, and Squeak 219
Baby-Voiced and Cutsie-Wootsie 219
Where to Direct a Person with an Annoying Voice 221
The Monotonous Drone 222
The Fast Talker 223
Name-Dropper 223
The Know-It-All 224
SlangGangers 225
Conversation Hogs 226
Repeat, Repeating, Repeaters 226
Wordy Ones 227
The Whiner 227
18 Verbal Combat Against Painful Verbal Abusers
Verbal Abuse Can Actually Make You Nauseous! 229
The Verbally Dead 230
Verbal Vomiters 231
Sugary Sweet Phonies 232
Poor-Poor Me 233
“Fibbers” 234
*%#&@ Cussers! 234
Me, Me, Me 235
The Anointed One Has Spoken! 236
19 Verbal Combat Against Dangerous Verbal Abusers
PROCEED WITH EXTREME CAUTION! 239
Lambs to Lions 240
Control Freaks 240
Backstabbing Enviers 241
Hitting-Below-the-Belt Abusers 242
Verbal Interrogators 243
Fanatics and Zealots 244
Yes-Yes Do-Nothings 245
The Mentally/Verbally Disturbed 247
Racist, Sexist, Verbal Xenophobes 248
Verbal Lumberjacks 249
Nosybodies 250
Part 6: Dodging Verbal Bullets in Specific Battlefields 253
20 Verbal Defense over the Telephone
Pesky Persistent Telephone Sales Calls 256
Slick Willy 257
Unhelpful Helpers 257
Go Ahead—Blame It on the Phone! 258
Oh No! I Need Some New Eardrums! 259
Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? 259
What in the World Did They Say? 259
Help! I'm Gonna Drown in a Sea of Words! 259
I Gotta Go, I Gotta Go, I Gotta Go, I Gotta Go! 260
I Got Your Machine! You Sound Silly! 261
Time to Change the Message 261
Making a Great Message 262
Phone Munching 262
Choose—Them or Me? 263
A Return Call Would Be Nice! 264
Stop Calling Already! 264
21 Verbal Self-Defense in Sticky Situations
I'm So Humiliated! 268
Ouch! Those Coals Are Hot! 268
It's Not So Funny When It's Me! 268
Burning Brunts of Jokes 269
You Don't Like Me! You Really Don't Like Me! 270
When Someone Says Something Mean or Sarcastic to You 272
Oh No! Tell Me This Is Just a Bad Dream! 272
Please, I Beg You, Please Don't Tell Them That! 273
There Are No Representatives in This House of Speakers! 273
Hey! Butt Out! 274
You're Really Nice After All! 274
You Said What About Me? 274
Keep Your Opinions to Yourself! 275
Are You Mute or Something? 275
Stop Kvetching Already! 276
Speaking in Different Languages 276
What Am I, a Bank? 277
What Part of the Word “No” Don't You Understand? 277
Tactfully Telling Someone About Body Odor 277
Someone Who Never Gets the Bill 278
22 Verbal Self-Defense in More Difficult Situations
Breaking the Bad News 281
You're Not the Only One! 282
Talking to the Grieving 283
Dying with Love! 283
Gotcha! 284
Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire! I'll Never Admit I'm a Liar! 285
Sweet Talkin' “Ear Candy” 285
Sexually and Racially Incorrect 286
Come On! Just a Little Bite! 287
Enough About My Weight Already! 287
That's My Friend You're Talking About! 287
You Don't Know What You're Talking About! 288
Talking to Those with Speaking Challenges 288
Talking to Those with Hearing Challenges 289
Talking to the Physically Challenged 289
Talking to the Mentally Ill 289
No—Not You! 290
I Admit It! I Did It! 290
Don't Judge a Book by Its Cover! 291
23 Verbal Self-Defense Can Save Your Life!
Listen for Verbal Red Flags! 294
What You Hear Is Not Always What You Get! 294
Listening Between the Lines 295
Put a Lid on It! 295
I Wouldn't Mouth Off If I Were You! 296
Your Speech Is a Loaded Gun 296
Topics That, When Mentioned in Anger, Can Declare Verbal
War 297
Road Rage! Theater Rage! Outrage! 297
SHHHHHHHHHHHHH! 298
I SAID NO TALKIN'!! 298
Reason Before You Start Teasin' 299
Tones Can Kill 299
You're OK, I'm OK. OK, You're OK 300
Non-Words Can Kill 300
Your Mouth Can Save Your Life 301
Verbal Kicks, Vocal Chops, Tonal Blocks 301
Be Nice! 301
To Catch a Thief! 302
Rape 302
Date Rape 303
Page xviii
Sex Talk—Before It Gets Too Hot to Handle! 303
Wear a What? 304
24 Verbally Defending YOU Against YOU!
What Did You Say? That's What They Think! 308
Verbalize! No Complaints! Fix What You Hate! 308
Never Let the “Cat Get Your Tongue” 309
Quashing Your Negative Words About You 310
Observe What You Say to Potential Verbal Spies! 310
Loose Lips Sink Ships! 310
Losing the Verbal War by Trashing Your Family! 311
Winning by Letting It Leak! 312
Losing the Verbal Battle by Recycling the Word 312
Verbal Defeat Through Verbal Ecstasy—Why Tellin' All Feels Soooo
Good! 313
Don't Blame! Extinguish the Flame! 314
Making Amends Verbally 314
No More Verbal Hypocrisy—a Clean Battlefield 315
Winning the War Through Verbal Gifts! 316
Appendixes
A Resources 319
References for Speech Pathologists 319
B To Order Dr Glass's Products 323
References for Psychological Services 323
Index 32
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